Is Your Child the Bully? Spotting the Signs and How to Address It

KUALA LUMPUR — Amid rising bullying incidents in Malaysian schools, parents are often left asking: Is my child safe? But an equally important question remains: Could my child be the bully?

In 2023, bullying cases surged to nearly 5,000, up from 3,887 in 2022. While much attention is focused on supporting victims, experts warn that parents must also watch for signs that their child may be engaging in bullying behavior.

Psychologist Prem Kumar Shanmugam highlights key warning signs like a lack of empathy, remorse, and the desire to control others. Bullying is often defined by intent, repetition, and power, and can stem from home environment issues such as rigid or permissive parenting.

Experts suggest that the root cause of bullying may be linked to unhealthy family dynamics, with children modeling behavior they see at home. Authoritarian parenting, which focuses on strict rules without considering a child's emotions, can breed feelings of powerlessness that manifest as bullying. On the other hand, permissive parenting may lack boundaries, leading to a lack of accountability.

Psychologist Divaasini Devaraj stresses that parents can assess their child’s emotional development by observing how they handle social situations and unexpected challenges. A lack of empathy, such as showing no concern when a peer is hurt, could be a red flag.

To prevent bullying, experts advocate open, honest communication between parents and children. Role-playing, asking about the kind of world they want to live in, and discussing values during family meals can help guide children toward empathy. When a child does engage in bullying, experts recommend healthy consequences and conversations that encourage self-reflection.